The One Where I Go On Social Media To Tell You You Don't Have To

I got off of all social media in 2020. I didn’t miss it. I cannot tell you what a weight it was off of my shoulders.

And yet, I have recently gotten back on social media- you can follow me on Instagram at @simpleprospering winky winky…

So I figured I would use this opportunity to talk about why to be on social media and why not to be there. 

And I should define what I mean by social media: I’m talking TikTok, Instagram, X and Facebook. 

I’m actually not talking YouTube (which is definitely in a gray area between social media and a search engine)... or podcasts, or Soundcloud, or Crowdcast, etc, etc. 

Spoiler: If you are a practitioner running a private practice in the healing arts space- you really, really don’t need to be on social media. 

Another spoiler: I have strong feelings about social media. You might not, and I want you to know I think that’s A-OK. 

Ok here we go- The #1 thing I hear from new clients when they come to work with me to support their practice. They all say some version of, “I know I have to be more visible on social media to get more clients, but I hate it.”

At which point I sit on my hands so that I don’t overwhelm them with the ferocity of my response, which is: “YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT NEED TO BE ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO GET MORE CLIENTS!!!!!!”

I have covered the why behind this before- most notably in my podcast episodes: The Influencer Business Model and What About Social Media for Marketing? I also dug into it in my interview with Michelle Warner on Relationship Marketing. All good listens, in my opinion, if you want a very thorough argument on why not social media to get clients.

But I’m going to recap some of that here as well. Because it is important. 

I will also answer the question I’m sure you have right now which is, “Wait? Aren’t you a total hypocrite? Why are you telling me I don’t need to be there when you recently hopped back on Instagram and Facebook?” 

The twin evil platforms of Meta, which to quote myself, I have called “a plague upon humanity”

The plague of which has recently gotten worse with all the tech authoritarians, including Mark Zuckerberg, symbolically seated behind Trump at his inauguration, and literally torching any guardrails for truth and fact checking, as they continue to realize that disinformation, conspiracy thinking, fear, and outrage make them more money. 

There are, I think you can hear, so many directions I could go with this topic. But for the sake of this podcast, which supports small healing arts businesses, I will focus on whether or not social media is of any use to you.

Do you need to quote “be more visible on social media” or “figure out your social media strategy” or “grow an audience” or whatever other phrase you may have uttered at some point?

The main point I want to make about why it does NOT work for healing arts providers- particularly those who work in a private practice model- is because in our businesses, the thing that is- air quotes- for sale is a therapeutic relationship. 

And so, and I will talk about this more soon, cultivating real trustworthy relationships is what will grow our practices the most reliably. Even the most quickly- much more quickly than getting a social media following going.

The therapeutic relationship being at the heart of what we do is also what makes our work quite different from so many of the things that we see being marketed all the time. 

What we see marketed all the time are things, i.e. products: a new jacket, a dining table, a sneaker brand, etc. 

And entertainment- a new TV show, movie, album, or a streaming service- which is a way to provide said entertainment. 

So those are the 2 categories we are seeing being sold and promoted all the time: products, and entertainment.

And we live inside of capitalism- which means many things but for the sake of this episode it means that there is a profit motive and stuff for sale everywhere all the time, And so we are swimming in the waters of seeing stuff for sale.

And we also see how that stuff is sold to us. Namely, how products and entertainment are marketed and sold. Which are absolutely mass market appeal, traffic marketing businesses. Meaning they need a volume of eyeballs on them to be viable as businesses.

But because we are swimming in the waters of seeing how that is all marketed, we think we need to grow our practices with the same types of marketing strategies that we see for products and entertainment. 

In olden times, this would only have happened through large scale ad campaigns, or getting things like a bestseller that the critics love and will praise in mass market outlets to make you more visible.

And then along comes social media which is like, "Hey, you all used to need to rely on the critics to praise your album to TV show, etc- or you all used to need to buy advertising on mainstream media for your products for sale- think traditional TV advertising- but now we’ve removed the velvet ropes by creating this new thing, social media!"

And so you can, at least theoretically, become your own media channel for your own stuff and you don’t have to rely on traditional traffic gatekeepers (the critics and journalists writing about your thing, or the expensive advertisers and advertising companies for ads that can promote your thing).

So social media came out of the gate seeming like an antidote to traffic marketing. It seemed more relationship-y. It’s just a bunch of people creating their feeds- how egalitarian! 

So if you go there, the idea seemed to be, and promote your work, this is a place where billions of eyeballs are and there aren’t the traditional gatekeepers in charge of what gets seen- woohoo! It has leveled the playing field for you.

Only it’s not true. Of course. Social media is a traffic marketing strategy. And there absolutely is a gatekeeper- the algorithm- that decides what gets seen.

And, you can get seen more if you pay the algorithm to show your work- aka- buy ads just like in olden times when you had to buy TV, magazine and newspaper ads to be visible. 

And from all this, social media morphed into a chance to become your own media mogul. Kind of like starting NBC, or the NY Times right? Enter the business model of being an influencer. 

Folks, if you want a real look at what the social media influencer business model is, please watch the social experiment and documentary Fake Famous. 

Short version: to get enough followers to be making a living as an influencer, meaning to make it your your job- and it is a more than full time job- is to perform your media personality, and to game the algorithm.

Often this happens through buying followers, meaning bots (hence the “fake” in Fake Famous) and through spending large sums on looking like an amazing person having a perfect life. Constant photo shoots ain’t cheap! And performing yourself in a way that the algorithm will like and promote is- needless to say- exhausting. 

And has nothing to do with a therapeutic relationship. 

In our worlds, our category of influencers is the wellness influencer, right? 

So let's take a look at that a bit. And let’s say it is a best case scenario wellness influencer business model: It’s someone who is well trained and credentialed to be speaking about what they are posting on, and they truly want to help people by getting good health and healing information out there. 

It’s still not a therapeutic relationship model, because pushing publish is not the same as working 1:1 with a client. And earning an income through brand sponsorships, also not a therapeutic relationship, and this is usually how the influencer business model is profitable.

However, let's say you are truly in the influencer model but then you, for example, do monetize your following by taking on a private practice model. This would happen by allowing your followers to work with you 1:1 as a client.

But you would still have this other job of keeping up with the algorithm.

And, you also have the gauze of your influencer persona in between you and your therapeutic relationship with your client. 

Why? 

Because the algorithm rewards a few things: So this all goes back to, you have to work within the context of what the algorithm likes. 

Here’s what it likes:

• Parasocial relationships (aka, making people think they know you and your life and that they are friends with you even though they don’t know your life, and they aren’t friends with you)

• Fear mongering

• Outrage mongering

• And things that fall under what I internally call the “jaw dropping, aha moment” category- things that make people feel like their minds are expanding because they finally understand something previously mysterious- often this winds up in the conspiracy spaces. 

(You can see where this would be in the educational space maybe- like the show Cosmos which I always turn to when I want my mind blown.  but actually, but that's not what you see because  the algorithm likes a certain kind of, "A-ha!" which are conspiracy spaces. Or conspiracy gateway drugs, one or the other. )

It also rewards the funny haha- funny things make you feel good, getting a quick giggle in is a nice dopamine hit. And dopamine is what the algorithms want to induce, because it keeps you on the platform.

So If you are a stand up comedian, or a comedy writer, my advice is to definitely be on social media. 

None of these things are conducive to a productive client-practitioner relationship. And all of these things also create a false perception of the practitioner being some kind of guru: which is not a great way to enter into a therapeutic relationship. 

My primary care physician, or my therapist or acupuncturist, etc, etc are people who I think incredibly highly of- but I don’t think they are demi-gods. I just think they are super well trained and effective professionals. 

Which is probably what you want people to think of you as well! 

And the absolute best way to do this is through relationship building. 

Get to know your colleagues who you admire- form actual relationships with them- whether they are people who live local to you or not. And a lot of that will depend on if you have a business wher epeopel see you physically in person or online. 

Create educational or support offerings that meet a need people have and then deliver those in spaces where your ideal clients are already gathered. 

Nurture your relationships with the people who are already your clients- meaning, just be good at your job- and then let them know that you appreciate their referrals. Or run a refer a friend promotion. 

I have a lot of information about this in my mini course Grow Without Social Media which is $19 and covers a lot of ideas about what to do when you aren’t trying to grow a following on social media. So you can certainly check that out if you want more strategies.

So when is it useful to be on social media? 

• When you personally like it- you enjoy the time you spend there making and consuming content in your personal life (side note, it’s funny how few people say they like it. Just interesting to note!)

• When you are trying to become an influencer, but be forewarned, it is a bitch of a business model. This is not a light lift overnight riches type deal. 

• You are a comic or an author or some other type of artist (a musician, etc.) and you are trying to get a book deal or get more gigs booked.

• When you have a physical or digital product to sell, and you really care about getting it out there. And you are willing to buy ads, because you realize you are in a traffic marketing business. And you also realize that in the social media world, organic reach used to be a hting, but it isn’t really a thing anymore. 

And it is this final one that leads me to answering the question about why I’m back on social media. 

Or as my friend says, I now have an Instagram burner account. 

Meaning, I post there to show that Simple Prospering is indeed functioning. I do things like make podcast episodes, work with clients, and offer online courses.

But I’m not trying to become an influencer there. I’d have to love being on social media and my phone way, way more than I do to pull it off. 

I’m running ads. 

I worked with Michelle Warner, of relationship marketing fame, and, hilariously, discovered that because I was an expert in the relationship marketing that works for a healing arts private practice- that is my area of expertise right?- I was a little blind, or a little slow, to accept that Simple Prospering, which is the home for my digital course- a product- the Healing Arts Practice Incubator- was actually best suited to a traffic marketing model. 

Meaning, in order to be viable, aka pay my bills, I needs many, many more leads than my Rolfing practice would ever need. And different leads. 

And if I was trying to spread the word that healing arts providers who were forcing themselves to be on social media for the sake of growing their practice didn't actually have to be there shackled to this task they hated- , then the best place for me to do that might just be on… social media. 

"If you hate it here, you don’t have to be here!" This is my main message on Instagram. What better place to be to spread the word?

It’s not as neat and tidy and renegade, like “taking down social media from the inside!” Hardly. If only I had that much power but alas! 

In honesty, the reason I talk so much about overcoming underearning as a pattern in my work is because that’s an issue of mine. I suffer from “under-being”, and allowing myself to succeed doesn’t exactly come naturally. I’m a true wounded healer in that way.

I’ve been working the steps in Underearners and Debtors Anonymous for years now. And so, when I saw that I needed to think about traffic marketing strategies I asked myself if I should try to do the thing that would help me grow. And I decided to stop growing my business with both arms and one leg tied behind my back. 

I accepted that I will never be any good at the tech part of running ads- this is the other thing to note- this world is so complicated if you are not tech savvy! It’s easy to just flush a lot of money down the toilet if you don’t know what you’re doing and don’t have all your systems in place for your business. 

So I hired Emma Davis, who has been a godsend, to set everything up for me and to run my ads. I’ll probably have her on the show to talk about it, but just wanted to give a shout out where a shout out is due. 

And I am in experiment mode. It’s been only a couple of months since I started running ads. 

Interestingly, for someone with so many issues with the tech bros, those couple of months have been pretty eye opening. Things are not looking like they will get better on these platforms. That is not really the direction things are headed in. 

And for now:

I love that I can reach people I don’t know. 

I don’t love posting or scrolling on the socials. 

It’s a work in progress- we’ll see how I feel in 6 months or so!

I don’t think I have disguised my disdain for social media. I set out trying to write a really balanced episode, but I’ve always been bad at hiding my feelings. 

And I am clearly very, very conflicted about putting more dollars into Zuckerberg’s pocket. Ugh. I know my dollars are a tiny drop in a ocean of profit, but they make up part of that ocean! 

So right now I’m going along with my “don’t keep shooting yourself in the foot Brooke!” experiment, while also considering other traffic approaches, as well as the appropriate relationship approaches like teaching practice building at conferences and things like that. 

Stay tuned. 

But I will conclude with, if you are in private practice, and are only on social media because you think you have to be there to get more clients, you don’t. You can free yourself of that thought, and spend your time on more valuable practice building activities.